I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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