If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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