oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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