i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
