he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
