where am i from again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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