they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can't just leave with hair like that
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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