I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
