you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
