Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
