soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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