Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
