No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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