Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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