we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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