She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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