i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
