Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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