i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am mentally ready for anal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
