Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
