You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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