Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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