maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
