Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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