You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize