just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
