i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
