So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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