So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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