do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
