she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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