so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
