I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
