Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
