You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
