Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
