shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
