My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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