So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
