So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
