just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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