Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
