apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
