Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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