i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
