Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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