I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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