3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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