life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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