I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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