when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
