fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
