You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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