I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize