Got a toothbrush?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
