Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
