its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
