I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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