i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
