I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
