I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
