my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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