If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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