TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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