I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
