Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
