we have officially lost it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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