He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
