haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
