hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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