dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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