im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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