That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
