So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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