is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
