life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
