pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
ttyl tear gas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
