I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
