remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
