Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
