My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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