I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
