The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
