It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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