the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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