Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
