I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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